Belly laughs

I am so thankful

To my Itty bitty-

Sometimes I can't find the words to express what I feel. Sometimes I am too full of emotion to know exactly what I am feeling. You hear 'motherhood is tough.' And it is. Before I had you, I didn't really understand. But then you came into my life. It's the emotional side of it. It's tough. I'm always wondering how you'll turn out, if I'm doing things right. I am a mess when it comes to you. I see myself in you. You're mine. And that's emotionally draining because I want to be the best for you, and hope that I am, but I'm always analyzing myself. And for these reasons in pops the saying 'motherhood is tough.' You'll never know what I'm talking about until you have your babies, Chloe. But for all the trying, emotional uncertainty it brings, along with it comes FAR more JOY! I am so happy being your guardian. I love being your mom and feel so grateful. My darling daughter, I ALWAYS wanted to be your mother. When I was little I used to play with all of my dolls and hold them and cuddle them, and dream of having one of my own. I loved the honor of carrying you in my tummy. I LOVED being pregnant with you. I never felt so important as I did when I was blessed to have the oppertunity to carry you. The first three months of your life were difficult for me, but so worth it! Now you are my smiling, cooing, cubby little miss and I couldn't adore you more! I can't help but dress you up every day and take a ton of pictures of you. I know how badly I will miss these times. I want to soak you in. As I listen to your monitor at night my heart races when I think your choking or not breathing. I have to go in and put my hand in front of your mouth to check. You have always been okay, but I don't know what I would do without you. The thought makes me cry. I am so sad to think you will be eating solids soon and won't need our nursing times as much. I fear I will be one of those women who nurse until your five! I don't want to let you grow up. I am thankful for the time in Italy as I was thinking of having you and I was on the top of a high mountain in San Marino and I went by myself to pray about you, and immediately got my answer. I am thankful god was so blunt with me. I need that. You were so ready to come to our family. I am so blessed. To my darling daughter, I am so very lucky to know you  I love you   love, Mom

Coco loves her doggie

Adam is trying to teach Chloe to be kind and gentle with our dog Ginger. Here she is giving ging love.

Mother, wife, and seamstress?

Now that Chloe is sleeping so well I have had time to sew! These past few weeks I have had such a blast making her things. Bows, headbands, skirts, bibs, appliqued shirts.. Halloween outfits.. So much fun! MORE TO COME!! 

Mommy's lil pumpkin

 Halloween is just around the corner and it has been so warm.. It doesn't feel like fall at all, which I'm sad about. I didn't want to miss out on the festive experiences just because it still feels like summer, so Adam and I took baby Chloë to the pumpkin patch. She looked pretty confused about all of the picture taking, but she complied and we got some great shots of her.

 She looks like she is dazed and confused..

judging by Chloë's face though I'm not so sure she was a fan.

 

Chloë was so exhausted with all of the fun .. Perfect fall day with the family that I adore!!

I love October!

happy fall, all!

We're all balding!!!

Having been a hairstylist I have heard the complaint many times. "My hair is falling out after I had my baby" I guess I never thought it would happen to me because I have so much hair. (Not the best logic) BUT about a month ago I started really losing a lot of hair. I know it's gross to show, but I have to prove my point.. Here is a picture of three days worth of showering.. our poor drain keeps clogging. so gross I know. I knew some people lose hair postpartum but this seems like too much!! Anyone else lose this much hair?? When does it end?I am becoming like my husband and daughter.. Bald!

26!

Yesterday I turned 26.. 26!! I can't believe it. Adam let me sleep in an extra hour.. He took Chloe when she woke and I got a wonderful hour more of sleep!We went to the park, then My friend Jessica and I worked on making Chloe's Halloween costume (she is going to be a flower) Then when Adam came home he took Chloe and I out to Lark Creek for a birthday dinner. Chloe wasn't having any of it. As soon as we got there she started screaming uncontrollably and Adam nor I could help her calm down. I felt pretty stressed out with a packed restaurant filled with people trying to have a nice dinner. And here we are with a sreaming baby in a nice place. So Adam and I took turns taking her outside while the other one ate. It wasn't exactly what I had hoped for my birthday but adam promised me a do-over this weekend! Oh and Adam got me an i-touch gum and bath salts!

Yucky vitamins!

Man I LOVE this kid ! She makes me laugh every day, and today she laughed for the first time REALLY HARD. She is really starting to be fun! I will have to post a video of her sweet baby laughs! This video is of her taking her vitamins, which she hates unless I mix it with milk in a bottle. Did I mention I LOVE HER??

Stranger Danger!

We missed Adam so badly and couldn't wait to come home and see him. When Adam picked us up from the airport he went to hold his little girl and... She got stranger danger! She was so upset she didn't know this man who was holding her! She squealed! and it was hard for us to calm her down. I felt so badly for them both. Chloe didn't have that long of a memory and Adam wanted her to miss him and be happy to see him. I wondered how long it would take her to remember or at least get used to him. Then this morning daddy did his usual made up songs with her and she fell instantly back in love! She now adores her daddy again.. Phew! We don't ever want to be away from him that long again it was too intense for us. We love you adam!

A Busy September

I promised myself that I would do better at this blogging thing. I find it hard to type with only one hand, but am getting used to doing most everything with only one.. I guess thats being a mommy. I try to get on and check e- mail/facebook/blog while nursing Chloe. So please excuse my misspelled words and lack of puncuation. I need to get better at using my left hand so I don't become lopsided lol! September has been packed with travel, family and lots of memories so I'm sorry if this is a long post but I can't pass up the opertunity.

Chloe and I left home on September 1st to see my dad in texas. We had such a great time. My dad and I went fishing, Chloe got to hang out with her Nana and Gigi and we got to experience Canton.

After visiting my Dad's side Chloe and I traveled to see my mom's side of the family. We spent 2 weeks with them and enjoyed lots of game nights, great food and wonderful conversations..

Chloe got her ears pierced!!!

Idaho Vacation

 Chloe and I in McCall Idaho

Chloe sleeping in Daddy's sleeping bag.

Chloe, Adam and I took a trip to Idaho for a family reunion. Here are a few pics of our trip

La Leche!!

Yesterday I had the chance to attend a La leche meeting. They meet once a month and I couldn't make it the previous months so I attended this one. I arrived at ten in the morning to Amy's (the La Leche leaders) home and was the first one there. I desperately hoped it wasn't going to be just her and I there! So Amy introduced herself and her 5 year old daughter Makensie. Makensie is an only child so I figured that Amy had become a La Leche leader a few yrs ago when she was nursing Makensie... wrong.. Amy was still nursing Makensie!!! At 5!! Wait wait it gets worse.. After abt 30 minutes people started showing up. First a lady who's name I forget comes in and I think.. well she isn't nursing she must be in her sixties. So I asked how many children she had had and she told me 5 in nine years, and that she nursed each for 4 YEARS EACH!! Yes that's right 4 years!! That's a lot of over lapping! There was also a lady who had a 3 and a half year old who was tandem nursing with her 4 month old.. I don't know how these women do that!! Another ladies three year old kept coming up to her and lifting up her shirt to nurse.It was very interesting but what I really admired about these ladies is that there was no shame they truly embraced nursing their children, whether 5 mos or five years, I must say I've never seen so many ladies breasts out all at once!!

Chloe's bath time 6 wks old

   Chloe loves her bath time! She even gave a quick smile!!

Chloë and Mommy

Thank goodness that Chloe is a much cuter baby than I! I looked like a little Asian redheaded baby. For all of you who wanted to see a pic of Chloe and I as an infant.. here you go. I wish I had a better pic, this is a picture of a picture. Thats as good as I can get right now. I am starting to see little things about baby Chloe that are mine, like her little wrinkled hands, maybe her eyes, and her little feet are starting to rememble mine. She has started to smile and we are both getting more sleep these days. I am really starting to enjoy her more and more. I am feeling an intense love for this little girl.                                                     

I loved you from the very start,

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

Our life together has just begun

You're part of me my little one.

As mother with child, each day I grew,

My mind was filled with thoughts of you.

I'd daydream of the things we'd share,

Like late-night feedings and Teddy bears.

Like first steps and skinned knees,

Like bedtime stories and ABC's.

I thought of things you'd want to know,

Like how birds fly and flowers grow.

I thought of lessons I'd need to share,

Like standing tall and playing fair.

When I first saw your precious face,

I prayed your life be touched with grace.

I thanked the angels from above,

And promised you unending love.

Each night I lay you down to sleep,

I gently kiss your head and cheek.

I count your little fingers and toes;

I memorize your eyes and nose.

I linger at your nursery door,

Awed each day I love you more.

Through misty eyes, I dim the light,

I whisper, "I love you" every night.

I loved you from the very start,

You stole my breath, embraced my heart.

As mother and child our journeys begin,

You have daddy's skin and your mommy's chin.

Our week in a nut-shell

How our saturday go these days- Adam and I took Chloe to the post office today and weighed her on the scales in the lobby. She weighs 9lbs 12.8 oz.! After the scales we went to the park and Chloe had her first picnic!

We had a long day of hanging out around the house so we decided to take the baby out to the grocery store, post office, and park.. Woo! pretty exciting huh? lol

My dad, step mom, and sister came down to visit this week.We really enjoyed having them here. Chloe fell in love with her Papaw! It looks like she is scared in this picture, but really she adored him. My dad even got Chloe's name tattooed on his arm when we went to Haight and Ashbury in the city. So I guess he fell in love with her too!

Chloë or clonë?

Chloë in the above picture

Adam above

Chloë above

    Adam above

Do you see it or is it just me?

One month old!

My little Chloe is one month old!! I can't believe I have a one month old daughter!! She is getting so chubby. She already has a double chin! I love her so much. She is cooing and making eye contact with us when talk to her. She is a little feisty at times, expecially when she is hungry. She loves bath time and being held. I worry about her happiness all of the time and if she is feeling loved enough or if she is bored. I suppose most people have more family around to give their babies extra love and it's only Adam and I here in the bay area. I hope that will be enough. She is just so tiny and innocent. She is so new from heaven and I feel a heavy responsibility.

Bless this child

Chloe was blessed July 4th 2010. Adam's parents came down for the blessing. It was a beautiful blessing. Chloe's daddy blessed her with faith and discernment and among many things she was blessed to keep good friends around her and my favorite part was that she will look to me to be her example and that her and I will have a close relationship. I was so proud of Adam getting up in front of all of those people and blessing our child. I feel so blessed to have such a loving husband who adores me and my baby daughter.

The birth of little miss Chloë

Wednesday June 9th I went into the Dr.s office and they stripped my membranes in hope to start labor on my own. Later that night while I lay in bed I felt slightly stronger contractions than I had been feeling but didn't get my hopes up. At two thirty in the morning as I was laying in bed coming down off a contraction I felt a pop. I immediately got up and went to the bathroom to check and sure enough my water had broken. So I woke everyone up, called the Dr and jumped in the shower. We arrived at the hospital around 345 am and in that one hour my contractions had become very strong.  They were back to back and pretty intense. A few hours of natural labor and I was through. They called in the anesthesiologist and I got my epidural. Wow what a relief! I could actually enjoy the experience I felt great.. for a couple of hours anyway. As my contractions got stronger I started to feel that the epidural was only working on my right side. So they called in the anaesthesiologist and attempted another epidural to remedy the problem. It took the same way and I could feel everything on my left side so they just turned up the epidural, which I had a bad reaction to. I couldn't stop shaking and crying and I felt totally paralyzed from the waist down. Finally I convinced them to turn it way down and that I would rather feel the pain than be paralyzed. They checked me and I was finally at a 9 1/2 at around 4pm. So they got the Dr and got the room ready.. but my best friend Audrey was supposed to be in from Utah but her flight was late so she hadn't made it yet she was 20 minutes away! My Dr agreed to wait for her and when she finally arrived I pushed twice and Chloe was born. They laid her on my chest and she was all wet and warm. I fell in love with her instantly! I couldn't believe that she had dark hair. Where did that come from? They let me hold her for a long time while I was being stitched up and then they took her and weighed her and measured her. She was 6lbs. 12 oz and 18 inches long. After months of debate on her middle name (Adam wanted to name her Lulu) he decided I deserved (having been through 14 hrs of labor) to name her what I wanted which was to honnor my mother Renee. He knew how much my mother means to me and how much love I have for her .We named her Chloe Renee Baird.

Looks like an induction

So it looks like little Chloe baby is going to be born this Friday June 11th. My doctor is planning to start my induction Thursday evening. My Dr has been sending me  to the lab and drawing my blood each week to monitor my platelets because they have been low. They keep getting lower each draw, and they want to put me on a steroid and get them back up by using an oral medication (prednisone) which makes your platelet count higher. Well it only works while you are taking it and would drop if discontinued so they want to go ahead and induce me while on it to insure a high count. I was really bummed at the news of losing my choice to have a "natural" labor. I am only dilated to a 1 and my cervix is still high. I know my body isn't quite ready for labor and I worry that forcing it to do something it doesn't want to will cause complications. So I go home from the appointment worried. I voice my feelings to Adam at lunch. My sweet husband is now worried and is on the Internet doing research calling the doctor back and asking questions and calling friends who could give us medical advice as to how serious this would be if we waited another week. After praying, and thinking about what little options we feel we have, we have come to terms with the induction and have decided to be positive that things will go well for us and we are so excited that little Chloe will be here in 2 DAYS!!

To induce or not to induce..

First I guess I should say I am leaning toward not having Chloe induced. I was hoping to get stories or opinions from those who have had inductions. I went in for a Dr. appointment this morning and my Dr informed me that he will be out of town the week I'm due. He suggested we induce early (the weekend of the 12th) and told me I have the choice to induce or take the risk of an on call Dr. if I were to go into labor during that week. At first I thought about it and kinda considered it. I was excited at the thought that I could see my baby 5 days sooner than my due date and I am soooo ready to meet this little girl I can hardly stand it!! BUT I have read so many books and watched a few documentaries on child birth and I have heard all about pitocin and the issues it can cause. So i think I'll just take my chances with the on call Dr. (if thats the way it goes) and go into labor naturally. Any suggestions?

Red Raspberry leaf and Evening primrose oil??

                 Anyone tried this? I wonder if any of this will really work?

red raspberry leaf-  Many midwives report that red raspberry leaf aids in focusing the pre-labor contractions that help a woman’s uterus to prepare for delivery. The high vitamin and mineral content help replace those lost via blood loss during delivery. Also, the alkaloids will continue toning the uterus as it returns to its usual size. In some women, the high mineral content may even help their milk to come in. It also contains fragrine, an alkaloid which help tone the muscles of the pelvic region including the uterus. This allows the uterus to contract more powerfully and effectively during labor.

evening primrose oil- Proponents of natural birth methods and many midwives swear by using evening primrose oil to help ripen the cervix. Evening primrose oil contains prostaglandins, which are used for inducing labor. It is said to help soften and ripen the cervix to help prepare it for the birth of your baby. Evening primrose oil is more commonly used by midwives. Very few obstetricians employ this method for softening the cervix. Most go to the medical methods of stripping the membranes or inducing labor with prostaglandins or pitocin.

Sweet baby quilts from the Bairds

My mother in law Patsy, and sister in law Erin made baby "Lulu" some sweet adorable baby quilts that I love! Erin made the soft lavender and yellow baby blanket, and Patsy made the mint and pink blanket.

Terrible Terrible Massage experience!!

Today as I was running my errands I see a massage place that is having a grand opening here in Pleasant hill. So I thought, well I'll go check it out. It would be so nice to get a good massage, and I deserve it right? I AM 8 mos. preggers.. so I decide to go in and I am greeted by a young Asian woman who is assuring me that " We do wonderful pregnant massage good for mom and baby" I thought well I might as well try them and if I like it I can have a regular place to go every month. So She shows me to a room and closes the door. So like usual I get completely undressed and slip under the sheet on the massage table. (Of course my tummy is huge and I have to lay on my side during the massage) A lady walks in and greets me and points to my tummy and says " how long" So I tell her I am 8 months pregnant and she then pulls the sheet completely off my nude body and gets her oil. This I am not accustomed to during a massage. I instinctively put my arm across my bare chest and she starts rubbing oil on my back and grabs my arm that is covering my naked boobies and pulls it back over my head to where it was comfortable for her to massage while sitting on her stool. To make a long story a little shorter she hurts me the entire time because she uses her knuckles to grind on my bones.. NOT my muscles !! and gives me a full nude butt / side boob massage that wasn't wanted( who needs a side boob massage??). she taps me to lay on my back and as I am rolling onto my back I grab for the sheet to cover up while she massages my leg and foot. I think Finally my breasts are covered! but from the waist down I am not.. Finally She is done and leaves me to get dressed. I think to myself ..This lady is capable of walking in on me while I am trying to dress so I grab the sheet to cover up. So as I am trying to put my underwear and pants back on (quickly) and hold the sheet... She then walks right in and tries to hand me some water. I am obviously trying to get dressed and trying to cover up so I tell her to put the water down on the table and I'll drink it AFTER I am dressed, but she instead pulls the sheet from me and tries to help me zip up my pants!!!! While I am exposed on top!! I try to tell her No no I can do it ( I'm pregnant not a paraplegic!!) and finally she leaves me to dress. I hurry faster than someone in my condition should and go to open the door and it hits her. She is crouched by my door trying to look in the crack. Maybe for another peak? Maybe to make sure I didn't leave without tipping her? I don't know but THIS was one of the strangest experiences of my life!!!

Today I went into the beauty supply store to grab a few things I need, and my favorite worker was working today and I hadn't seen her in there for a while and as she was ringing me up she goes " Girl you are lookin r-e-a-d-y. Look at her face Delores don't her face look fat? Girl you so lucky you havin that baby soon. It's bound to get hot!" I smiled and told her I am feeling ready and can't wait to have her, thanked her for my things and walked out the door. Fat face huh? Who knew.. I guess when you look at yourself for 8 months it's harder to see the gradual change. I asked Adam if my face looked rounder, but (like he should) He said no not to him.

"A watched pot never boils"

I thought I never understood what people meant by "I'm so done being pregnant" and maybe I still don't in the same way. I guess to me me that meant that they weren't enjoying the experience anymore, but that's not how I feel. I still love being pregnant, I am just feeling so impatient! I will be 36 weeks this week and I keep thinking.. You never know maybe it will happen this week? AND I STILL HAVE 4 WEEKS LEFT!!!! I am too excited.. It's like when you are a kid and can't sleep because it's Christmas eve. I wake up at night thinking about her and I cannot go back to sleep for hours.. Every night. I have an appointment on Tuesday May 18th and they will check me for the first time. I don't expect to have dilated, but that would be cool if I am! Sorry to those of you who are reading this and thinking.. boring.. but It's all that's on my mind and I can't help but write it out. My grandmother always says " A watched pot never boils"

My very first quilt

I am taking a quilting class and am down to the last two classes! I am not the best quilter but I really enjoyed making this one.. Still needs so much work but it's starting to come together..